


My libido is a cluster of seaweed caught between mechanical halves.
Stories
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Easter Chant
Dedicated to Seth “Peg-Leg” Wedge. Egg. Bunny. Egg. Bunny. Egg. Bunny. Egg. Bunny. Yolk! Broken yoke no joke slowpoke, go soak poultry ova for faux-holy folk! Egg. Bunny. Egg. Bunny. Egg. Bunny. Egg. Shell! Come out (egg bunny) Come out (egg bunny blood oh god) wherever you (eggbunnybloodrunsredoneggrunnybunny no) ARE! EGG. BUNNY. EGG. BUNNY. Dashed…
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The Total Package
She was straightforward and told me I had “zero charisma.” She didn’t mince words. She insisted—with venomous emphasis—that I was boring and had nothing of value to offer. She compared me to a dead mime and because she refused to explain the analogy, I had no rebuttal. She pulled no punches, my Lois. Really gave…
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There is a Can of Red Paint
in the kitchen. The can of red paint is on the floor. In the middle of the kitchen. The can is sealed shut. It is essentially a brand-new can. Full, anyway. The floor of the kitchen is covered with old floating linoleum. It is patterned, and cheap. The pattern is composed of blue and green…
Rave Reviews from the Critics!
- “These tales are visionary in a bottom-of-the-barrel pornographic way….” –Vickie T. Split, Abraxas Headache
- “Kirton’s stories eke out feelings akin to warm red gelatin….” –Bruce Cloverleaf, Buff Spill Reviews
- “These stories really hit you over the head with subtlety....” –Paul Gonk, Fossilized Prose Agenda
- “I was relieved to read them….” –Garth Umberger III, Shoe Leather Surprise

Keep falling apart until everything stops.
More Stories

Link Day One
Adipocere
Like a Tapir in the Bathtub (redux)
The Plummeting
Loose Change
The Job Interview
Synaptic Damage
Ptoth-15 and the City of Piss
Kaleidoscope
Ballad of the Cantankerous Man
The Damage of the Moon
The Hungry Little Monkey
Ligature Marks
Inspiration
The Appointment
American Pagans

Telekinetic Kelly
The Inappropriate Laughter of Monkeys
The Active Training Sessions
Violets and Gasoline
Hollywood
Barbara Payton at the Purple Dandelion
Mike & Pete & Tanya
Buried Skeletal Remains
The Peptic Lethargy of the Urban Werewolf
Books I Scratched Out With Stone Tools










Publications that Featured My Work





















Articulate Dross
My other place of business


Other Places I’ve Been Seen
- Stung!
- Masterpiece
- The Waitress Brought Nachos
- Kelp
- Pictures of Lela
- Mussels
- Cults That Kill
- The Mop Martini (Hollywood)
- Johnny Cag’s
- Romita
- Psych-Out (1968) Starring Susan Strasberg
- The Incredible Melting Man
- The Waitress and the Snake
- Elmer
- Breaded Chicken
- Glossolalian Doxology
- The Saw Mill
- American Pagans
- The Wonderful Wound in the Back of My Head
- Under the Poncho
- The Nosebleed Bazaar
- Automatic Zen Hospital
- Body Bags of Blood and Guts (Pulp Lit Mag page 223)
- Preposterous Spleen
- Slide
- Hoover
- A Path Through the Dandelions
- The Car Crash They Saw
- Aah-Ahh-Ahh-Choo!
- Unspeakable Dan
- A Saccharine Jellyfish
- Baby Box Turtles at the Bottom of a Vodka Bottle
- Song of Squandered Promise (pg. 164)
Invaluable Bravado







Honorable Mentions
Reviews, Articles & Interviews

- Bleak Holiday
- The New Bad Boys in Town
- Conservatory of Death
- Leaves from the Smorgasbord
- Armless Verbsap Review
- Cringe Interview with Book Goodies
- Another Embarrassing Interview
- The Membranous Lounge
- Strong Author Interview
- Writing that Spits in Your Face





The Styrofoam Saga

The Styrofoam Saga


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BEAT IT, BITCHES!




I’m not familiar with how hail works.
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