


My libido is a cluster of seaweed caught between mechanical halves.
Stories
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Little Green Worms Part 1
My intention was to write an exquisite, precise, highly-calibrated account of the time I arrived at a therapy appointment covered with little green worms. It was to be written in the 1st person with little parenthetical flourishes and jokes. It would build to a breathless climax and end with an ironic punchline. But almost everything…
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Schmeckled!
“Why did you hang up on me?” the woman on the phone says. Her voice sounds familiar. It has a metallic ring. Like scraping aluminum with a coin. “I didn’t hang up on you,” I say, which is true. I don’t know what she’s talking about. I grow nervous. There is sudden suspense in the…
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Sit On It!
The Hood had a ducktail. He slathered an entire tube of Brylcreem on his head every morning. He carried a comb. The Hood preferred to stand at the back of gatherings. He always wore a plain white t-shirt and jeans. He wore a leather jacket to intimidate the villagers. He rode a motorcycle for the…
Rave Reviews from the Critics!
- “These tales are visionary in a bottom-of-the-barrel pornographic way….” –Vickie T. Split, Abraxas Headache
- “Kirton’s stories eke out feelings akin to warm red gelatin….” –Bruce Cloverleaf, Buff Spill Reviews
- “These stories really hit you over the head with subtlety....” –Paul Gonk, Fossilized Prose Agenda
- “I was relieved to read them….” –Garth Umberger III, Shoe Leather Surprise

Keep falling apart until everything stops.
More Stories

Link Day One
Adipocere
Like a Tapir in the Bathtub (redux)
The Plummeting
The Job Interview
Inspiration

The Inappropriate Laughter of Monkeys
The Active Training Sessions
Hollywood
Barbara Payton at the Purple Dandelion
Mike & Pete & Tanya
Books I Scratched Out With Stone Tools










Publications that Featured My Work





















Articulate Dross
My other place of business


Other Places I’ve Been Seen
- Stung!
- Masterpiece
- The Waitress Brought Nachos
- Kelp
- Pictures of Lela
- Mussels
- Cults That Kill
- The Mop Martini (Hollywood)
- Johnny Cag’s
- Romita
- Psych-Out (1968) Starring Susan Strasberg
- The Incredible Melting Man
- The Waitress and the Snake
- Elmer
- Breaded Chicken
- Glossolalian Doxology
- The Saw Mill
- American Pagans
- The Wonderful Wound in the Back of My Head
- Under the Poncho
- The Nosebleed Bazaar
- Automatic Zen Hospital
- Body Bags of Blood and Guts (Pulp Lit Mag page 223)
- Preposterous Spleen
- Slide
- Hoover
- A Path Through the Dandelions
- The Car Crash They Saw
- Aah-Ahh-Ahh-Choo!
- Unspeakable Dan
- A Saccharine Jellyfish
- Baby Box Turtles at the Bottom of a Vodka Bottle
- Song of Squandered Promise (pg. 164)
Invaluable Bravado







Honorable Mentions
Reviews, Articles & Interviews

- Bleak Holiday
- The New Bad Boys in Town
- Conservatory of Death
- Leaves from the Smorgasbord
- Armless Verbsap Review
- Cringe Interview with Book Goodies
- Another Embarrassing Interview
- The Membranous Lounge
- Strong Author Interview
- Writing that Spits in Your Face





The Styrofoam Saga

The Styrofoam Saga


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BEAT IT, BITCHES!




I’m not familiar with how hail works.
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