I Am Often Very Afraid

Bloganuary writing prompt

What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?

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My friend Dan is pretty supportive when I explain my crazy ideas to him but there’s one thing that he sometimes kids me about. My profound fear of “decreasement in the easement.” And my inability to confront the problem HEAD ON! He chortles at me whenever I mention it. Seriously! Chortles! Is that any way for a friend to behave? Chortling? I don’t think so…

He tries to tell me that “decreasement” isn’t even a word and points to its absence in several of my dictionaries as proof. I tell him the word was omitted on purpose by Big Dictionary to fool us. To keep the population calm. I also remind him that the term, Plositting Brasche is also missing from most dictionaries not written by me.

Dan sometimes grills me on the meaning of the term, “decreasement in the easement” and I’ve told him I can’t fully explain it without an abacus, a wax harmonica and a shaved Armenian rabbit. But does he bother to acquire those things? Nooooo!! I maintain that sometimes you can’t explain your most primal fears with mere words.

Words are mere. I require VISUAL AIDS. That’s the ticket. Props! But oh no, Dan just goes on his merry way (and he is, in fact, often merry) disputing my insistence on the facts and mocking me for being terrified of decreasement in the easement (italics mine).

“It’s nonsense!” he tells me. “You just made it up! It means nothing!”

One of these days I’ll work up the courage to overcome my fear and actually INCREASE in the easement. That’ll show the whole damn WORLD! And what would it take? Just a little encouragement and blind passivity from my friend Dan. Then I will defiantly conquer my hideous fear of decreasement in the easement.

And I’ll tell Dan to go blorffe his constapular!

END