Here I sit in my vinyl easychair, secluded in the private bunker I’ve named Castle Bravo, smoking black hash from Afghanistan and listening to an old album of xylophone music. The record was recorded in 1959, the year Hawaii became a United State. The music is supposed to be “exotic” but it’s essentially flavorless. TheyContinue reading “Sounds of a Warped Xylophone”
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The Long Sad Song of the Shunt
I have a runny chest this morning. I can feel it. I hear it dripping like a faulty faucet. I was born with a condition known as hydrocephalus. It means cerebrospinal fluid builds up in this big ol’ noggin of mine. I was a baby with a gigantic head. My doctor once said, “You’re luckyContinue reading “The Long Sad Song of the Shunt”
Three Goddamn People
Honest Ivan Back in my cocaine days, I frequented a dealer named Ivan. He was a big Russian with a thick, formidable, Stalinesque mustache and a laugh like galloping horses. I once bought a gram from him and accidentally handed him too much money. Those were heady days and my math got scrambled. Ivan noticedContinue reading “Three Goddamn People”
A Fairy Tale
Once upon another time—one distant from the one you’re reading this from—little nine-year-old Kamchi stood outside an arboreal dell and wondered about fairies. Her teacher, Mr. Krumple had taught her class that fairies were real. He even showed them photographic proof. Two small English girls had taken several pictures of frolicking fairies back in theContinue reading “A Fairy Tale”
Lobster Solidarity
Owen gazed at the mountain from the safety of his blue Dodge Shadow. The day was warm and clear and he had time to kill before work, so he came here to look at the mountain. And there it was. His job was only a month old and he still felt apprehensive when he reportedContinue reading “Lobster Solidarity”
Little Green Worms Part 1
My intention was to write an exquisite, precise, highly-calibrated account of the time I arrived at a therapy appointment covered with little green worms. It was to be written in the 1st person with little parenthetical flourishes and jokes. It would build to a breathless climax and end with an ironic punchline. But almost everythingContinue reading “Little Green Worms Part 1”
Schmeckled!
“Why did you hang up on me?” the woman on the phone says. Her voice sounds familiar. It has a metallic ring. Like scraping aluminum with a coin. “I didn’t hang up on you,” I say, which is true. I don’t know what she’s talking about. I grow nervous. There is sudden suspense in theContinue reading “Schmeckled!”
Sit On It!
The Hood had a ducktail. He slathered an entire tube of Brylcreem on his head every morning. He carried a comb. The Hood preferred to stand at the back of gatherings. He always wore a plain white t-shirt and jeans. He wore a leather jacket to intimidate the villagers. He rode a motorcycle for theContinue reading “Sit On It!”
The Harmful Hazards of Heat
I wrote a poem inspired by the current heatwave… The why, the what, the wanton way Pietro trained Tracey! She—pale, wispy, wayward, lost along the sunbeaten path. Her limping gait raises Blitzkrieg sheets of bleached fine-grained sand. Pietro drives her advancing passage Into scenic Death Valley dehydration Without mercy or thought. The brain boils atContinue reading “The Harmful Hazards of Heat”
The Nothingness Stood Revealed
Albert Einstein waited patiently in line at the bank. It was crowded today. The bank was always busy on Thursdays. People with their paychecks. The mood at the bank was usually good on Thursdays. Tellers and customers alike laughed and chatted in a relaxed manner. People were at ease with each other, it seemed. EinsteinContinue reading “The Nothingness Stood Revealed”
