Wish List:
- Breville Luxe Coffee Brewer
- Paffenery Luxury Heated & Cooling Carseat Cover
- Metavertu 1 Curve Screen Himalaya Alligator Skin 18K Gold & Diamonds 5G Web3 Phone
I once worked with a tall drink of water named Christopher J. McSpinch. I’ll always remember that unusual name. He was a nice, polite guy and I liked him. We worked for a company called Intelillink Communications. Don’t bother looking it up, it’s long gone. It was merged into oblivion.
My duties included ordering, issuing and tracking telecommunications equipment. It was the only desk job I ever had. I found it nerve-wracking—my name on millions of dollars worth of equipment. Christopher J. McSpinch was a service technician. He installed the equipment at the client’s premises. I gave him the things he needed to do his job.
Christopher J. McSpinch liked to drink. A lot. When I saw him in the morning his eyes had a red, puffy, slightly unfocused look to them. Like a canceled transmission. He stayed up late drinking with his live-in girlfriend, Wanda Corcoran. They lived in a run-down apartment in Providence, Rhode Island. They also had a tempestuous relationship, apparently. Whiskey-fueled arguments raged long into the night, often prompting exasperated neighbors to request police intervention. The couple were officially warned at least three times to “Keep it down,” but that’s as far as things went.
I don’t know if they were ever threatened with arrest but they always went quiet after the police intrusions. I never heard rumors of physical abuse.
Christopher J. McSpinch drank J&B on the rocks. Wanda drank J&B mixed with Sprite. They could split a full liter in one sitting. That was what some of their friends said. Some claimed to have watched them in action. They drank and drank yet never appeared drunk. They never got stupid or sloppy—until that last fateful day.
Supplementary Wish List:
- Leopard Gecko
- Bearded Dragon
- Blue-Tongued Skink
One late Tuesday night, Christopher and his girlfriend got screaming drunk (as usual) and began to fight and argue. Typical behavior. Nobody bothered to call the cops that night. I don’t know if it would have prevented the tragedy. It may have made it worse, given the disastrous reactions so often exhibited by cops in hairy or tense situations. Career law-enforcement types don’t receive enough training in my opinion.
At a desperate point in the argument, Chris retreated to the bedroom and returned with a handgun. A 10mm .45 automatic, according to television news and articles. Oh yes, they made the local news.
Chris faced his girlfriend and said, “I love you,” and fired the gun into his left temple, killing himself instantly and right in front of her. It was a crazy poetic gesture, I guess. Wanda didn’t take it that way.
Annoyed neighbors finally called the cops and reported her screams.
She was a wreck. Understandably so.
As I mentioned, part of my job at Intelillink was issuing equipment to technicians. I handed out hardware: DSL routers, circuit packs, cables, etc. The service techs had to sign for it. Christopher J. McSpinch had the most beautiful, elegant handwriting I’d ever seen. He wrote with flawless 19th Century penmanship. I really admired the way he signed his name. Christopher J. McSpinch written with impeccable calligraphic swoops and swirls. It resembled the names on the Declaration of Independence. I wish I’d saved one of his autographs when I quit the company. I left a year after his abrupt departure. His beautiful signatures are probably stored among the other forgotten Intelillink files in some basement somewhere. A tragic fate.
Wish List Addendum:
- fentanyl
- oxycodone
- temazepam
- alprazolam
- citalopram
- acetylfentanyl
- despropionyl fentanyl.
With these little pills and powders I could escape a similar fate.
With these little pills and powders I could go out like a rock star, like a Tom Petty or a Prince.
I’m just not capable of signing out as dramatically and beautifully as Christopher J. McSpinch.
R.I.P.
Bio: Hank Kirton is the author of six rectangular books made of paper.
Crumbling Asphalt 